Cave Dragons??
by Lord of Chaos
Summary: Sore wa himitsu desu! Read to find out!
1. The holy relic and cave dragons, why do ...

Xelloss: But why do I have to be with the princess? Can I at least be with someone who doesn't sing happy songs? *whine whine*  
  
LoC:........ Sore wa himitsu desu! And no you're with Ameria, I payed Zelas for renting you......  
  
Zelas: *off in the distance* Damn strait! These are good ciggies!  
  
LoC and Xel: *sweatdrop*  
  
LoC: Well anyways...... You may ignore the chain smoking wolf and the fruitcake mazoku who is......cuddling a Zelgabunny doll just to annoy me....... *whacks the named namagomi*  
  
Xelloss: ^.^  
  
LoC and Zelas: ......Massochist.....  
  
  
  
Enter the Slayers group into a large extremely humid jungle, the trees above block out most light making midday look like twilight. Lina, Gourry, Sylpheel, Zelgadis, and Ameria are walking deeper into the jungle.  
  
  
  
Lina: Aaaaaaaaah! It's too hot! I can't take this anymore!!! *takes off her cloak and tosses it into the bushes*  
  
Gourry: Oh! I know what she's doing!  
  
Group: *shocked* You do?  
  
Gourry: *very proud* Uh-huh, she's doing a striptease! But Lina....... You really have nothing to tease with.....  
  
Lina: FIREBALL!!!!  
  
Crispy Gourry: What did I do?  
  
Sylpheel: Gourry-sama! *begins healing him*  
  
*Xelloss pops in standing on top of Lina's head*  
  
Xelloss: Lina's doing a striptease? That might be interesting......  
  
Lina: *facevaults*  
  
Ameria: Mr. Xelloss! What are you doing here?  
  
Xelloss: Well.....  
  
Zelgadis: ......Don't even.......  
  
Xelloss: Actually I heard there was a powerful holy item somewhere in this jungle and in my freetime I decided to go see what it was and maybe lay a few more traps there!  
  
Group: .........  
  
Xelloss: But anyways, I was going through the jungle when I heard the typical call of everyone's favorite Dragon Spooker!  
  
Lina: ......Don't push it Xel.......  
  
Ameria: Mr. Xelloss that was unjust! *takes a pose on a tree limb above* You should never tease someone just because they don't have what all other women 3 years younger than them have! In the name of Justice I command you to stop teasing miss Lina!  
  
Lina: A...ME.....RIA!!!!!!! *breaks down tree and grabs Ameria* Here's some justice for you you......  
  
*Lina begins stretching Ameria in previously unthought of positions*  
  
Ameria: Miss..... Lina..... Please stop...... This really hurts!  
  
Lina: It's supposed to!  
  
Xelloss: *sitting in air with his fruitcake smile as he watches the fight continue* Yare, yare.... So I suppose you don't want the information on the relic Lina? You seem rather preoccupied..... I'll just go set some more traps.... *starts to float off*  
  
Lina: *quits abusing Ameria* Wait Xel! *grabs his cloak and hauls him back to earth* What information? What do you know about this? Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme!  
  
Xelloss: Um well.... Sore wa himitsu desu?  
  
Zelgadis: This is going to hurt.... A lot....  
  
Lina: Xelloss....  
  
Xelloss: Oh my.... Ummmmm.... Well actually the information....  
  
*they are interrupted by a loud crashing sound headed towards them*  
  
Ameria: *getting up* Owwww.... *sees Lina on top of Xelloss strangling him* Miss Lina! This is not the time or the place to do that kind of thing! *turns around* What's.....?  
  
*Xelloss suddenly teleports grabs Ameria and teleports again just as a gigantic green wingless dragon breaks through the trees*  
  
Gourry: A dragon!  
  
Zelgadis: You noticed....  
  
*group takes battle stance*  
  
Lina: What is that? I thought dragons have wings!  
  
Xelloss: *appearing behind them with Ameria in his arms* That was one of the things I was going to tell you about, these are what dragons evolved from, you might call them cave dragons....  
  
Filia: *making guest appearance just to whack Xelloss with mace-sama* Baka mazoku!  
  
Xelloss: *on floor in severe pain* itaiiiiiii...........  
  
Ameria: Ummmmmm...... Miss Filia........ Maybe you shouldn't hit Mr. Xelloss so hard...........  
  
Lina: You'll have to finish this later Filia! We've got trouble and you aren't even supposed to be in this episode!  
  
Filia: ............. *runs off in tears for no apparant reason*  
  
Group and cave dragon: .;;  
  
A rather beaten Xelloss: Well, there's one other thing you should know about cave dragons.......  
  
*he is interrupted by a loud roar and the dragon charging forward*  
  
Gourry: Gaoooo!~ Hey Lina, remember when we did that play? When I was the....... *Lina beats him into the dirt*  
  
Lina: Yes I do Gourry...... FIREBALL! Ha, now that that's over with why don't we....... Eh?  
  
*through the smoke from the fireball a large form is slowly revealed, and the cave dragon steps forward slowly*  
  
Xelloss: Yare yare...... What I was about to say is that cave dragons are immune to magic, you're better off running away Lina......  
  
Lina: Never! *grabs Gourry and uses him as a sword*  
  
Gourry: Linaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
  
CD: (hey typing cave dragon over and over again is a waste yah know........) Gaooooo!~ (sounds remakably like Gourry don't you think? maybe it's in comparative brain capacity..... *snicker*)  
  
LoC: Being hit with 200 lbs of blonde brainless swordsman weilded by a flat red headed sorceress the dragon obviously evolved a bit and learned how to fly, unfortunately he didn't learn how to land........ And...... Uh- oh........ Well it seems we have to get back to the story......... Ne Lina chan?...... *runs*  
  
Lina: I'll get you later.........  
  
Sylpheel: (in background) Gouury sama, are you alright? *looks at unconcious Gourry*  
  
  
  
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End of Chapter 1  
  
keep hoping children, I may write soon.......  
  
Lina: YOU! Whadda yah mean by flat chested huh?!?!?!?!  
  
LoC: Ehhhhhh....... Why nothing Lina chan! I was just..... Er........ Stating that they're perfectly balanced with your figure! You're perfect! Really!  
  
Lina: ............... *not buying it*  
  
LoC: .............. *knows shes not buying it*  
  
Xelloss: .................. *knows shes not buying it and enjoying watching*  
  
Lina: How about you follow me into this dark room off stage...... *drags him away*  
  
LoC: Mercy! princessprincessprincess!Ahhhhh............. *door shuts*  
  
Xelloss: *wincing at sounds coming from room* Oh my........ That will leave a mark...... No....... Several.......  
  
Filia: *creeps up behind Xelloss with mace sama* CAVE DRAGONS?!?!?! *smashes him into stage*  
  
Xelloss: Itai..................  
  
LoC: *dragged out by Lina* Pain........ Though I take back the part about the flat chest......... She wraps it.........  
  
Lina: *turning crimson* You looked?!?!??  
  
LoC: Sore wa himitsu desu!  
  
END 


	2. Mazoku traps, slugs, and L-Sama?

LoC: Well..... I'm back....... I decided to get back to writing since I haven't been flamed so far.........  
  
Xelloss: Oh my, did I forget to submit my review?  
  
LoC:............How about we sing a happy song Xel?  
  
Xelloss:..............  
  
LoC: That's what I thought.  
  
  
  
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LoC: Well after being attacked by a rather large and vicious cave dragon which Xelloss conveniantly forgot to mention was immune to magic the group were obviously considering new means of attaining the treasure.  
  
Zelgadiss: No! Absolutely not! I refuse to be dragon bait again! Once was more than enough! You can't do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lina: Hey Zel, this is gonna make getting the treasure so much easier so why don't you stay put like a nice little chimera?  
  
Xelloss: ^.^ And besides, the dragon can't do much to your ROCK HARD BODY can it?  
  
Zelgadiss:......... O.O;; *scarred for life*  
  
Group:......... O.O;; *scarred for a long period of time*  
  
Gourry:............ Huh?  
  
Lina: Well! Anyways let's get going! I can see the temple from here! Take care Zel!  
  
Zelgadiss: Don't leave meeeeeeeeeeeeee! ~.~  
  
Xelloss: *takes the opportunity to spray Zelgadiss with some strange musky perfume*  
  
Zelgadiss: . What's that?  
  
Xelloss: Oh nothing really....... Just the scent female dragons have when they're ready to mate......... ^.^  
  
Zelgadiss: Oh no..........  
  
Xelloss: Well have fun Zel! *teleports to catch up with group*  
  
Zelgadiss: Why me?  
  
LoC: And then a loud rustling was heard (again) and a large green head poked out and took a deep breath........ ^.^;;  
  
*back with the rest*  
  
Ameria: You weren't doing anything unjust to Mr. Zelgadiss were you Mr. Xelloss?  
  
Voice from over hill where Zelgadiss was tied up: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! XELLOSS I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!! AEIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!  
  
Group: -.-;;  
  
Lina: I guess he was.......  
  
Gourry: Huh?  
  
Sylpheel: Oh dear, do you think I should go heal him?  
  
Xelloss: Now, now, Sylpheel, there's a first time for everything......... Anyways I can see the entrance to the temple! This way! *floats off*  
  
Lina: Wait Xelloss! *runs after him and falls into deep pit filled with........... dum dum dummmmm...... slugs.*  
  
Lina: Slu-slu-slu-SLUGS!!!!! I HATE SLUGS!!!!!! GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF I HATE SLUGS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Xelloss: Oh my, did I forget to warn you about that? How careless of me.......  
  
Ameria: Mr. Xelloss! That was unjust! *leaps to tree limb* In the name of....... Ahhhh!  
  
Xelloss: Did I forget to mention that too?  
  
*Ameria is hung upside down by her ankles being tickled by a feather that is swaying with the motion of the vines she's tied up with*  
  
LoC: Through all the chaos and dragon slaves (Lina REALLY hates slugs) the group finally managed to make it to the temple, even though Gourry fell for the same trap many many times.....  
  
Lina: Gourry no! It's a........ Dammit.........  
  
Gourry: Huh? Where'd the meat go? And how do I get out of this net??????  
  
LoC: No surprise there...... Anyways, as I was saying the group finally managed to get into the temple, where they entered the common ground and came face to face with a REALLY big, gay, cave dragon that was cuddling Zelgadiss........  
  
Group: O.O;;  
  
Gourry: Why is the dragon cuddling Zelgadiss?  
  
Sylpheel: Look away Gourry dear.......  
  
Ameria: Mr. Cave Dragon! That was unjust! You had no right to do that to Mr. Zelgadiss!  
  
Lina: Oh well, FIREBALL!  
  
Xelloss: Um Lina...... They're immune to magic remember?  
  
Lina: Oops......  
  
Crispy traumatized Zelgadiss: Why me?  
  
Gourry: Ah! A dragon!  
  
Lina: You noticed.........  
  
Gourry: Hikari-o!  
  
Group:.......... -,-;;  
  
Lina: You gave it away remember?  
  
Gourry: Oh yeah....... Well........ Die dragon! *charges dragon and expertly slices it's throat and lands with his sword sheathed*  
  
*the dragon tips and falls over on top of him*  
  
Sylpheel: Gourry-sama!  
  
Zelgadiss: Free at last....... *staggers off in the general direction of freedom which unfortunately, is invisible so he just staggered in circles*  
  
Gourry: Mmmmm....... Tasty!  
  
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COMMERCIAL BREAK  
  
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Announcer: Have you ever been bored with nothing to do?  
  
Chibi Hellmaster: Yeah yeah!  
  
Announcer: Then why don't you try...... POCKET HELL(tm)!  
  
Chibi Hellmaster: Ooooooooo....... *huge eyes*  
  
Announcer: Now you can torment thousands of souls at a moment's notice and never have to make that tiring journey to your closet! Limited availability! Call us now at 1-900-666-HELL, and remember, the dark side IS stronger!  
  
Chibi Hellmaster: Yay!  
  
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Lina: So...... this is the relic huh?  
  
Xelloss: ^.^ Appears so!  
  
Lina: .........It's a shovel..........  
  
Gourry: *takes scholarly pose* It's not just any shovel! This is the shovel L-Sama used to spank Ruby-eye Shabranigdo and Flare lord Ceipheed during the war of the monsters fall! It was placed here in reminder to the gods and mazoku that no matter how powerfull they were their mom can always spank them!  
  
Group:........*collective shock at the speech by Gourry*  
  
L-Sama: *in the sea of chaos* Damn strait I can spank 'em, now where's my gopher? Phibby!  
  
Zelgadiss: Why me?  
  
Xelloss: Oh well, at least the traps were fun! *teleports*  
  
  
  
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Ameria: But I though me and Mr. Xelloss were........ You know.......  
  
LoC: Well it turned into a comedy, bite me.  
  
Zelgadiss: It wasn't funny!........  
  
LoC: o.O;; What just bit me?  
  
L-Sama: You asked...........  
  
LoC:Well I think I'll end this here, before it gets too chaotic.......  
  
L-Sama: *pouts* just when it was getting fun........ Phoey....... 


End file.
